This article is one person’s experience and is not meant to suggest that others will have the same results, nor is this post meant to promote any form of therapy or treatment for children with autism .
It is hard to imagine how painful and heartbreaking it must be to suspect that your child may be autistic. Seeing signs that indicate your child is somehow not fully "there" can feel like the ultimate rejection even if you know it's not your child's fault. Many parents must wonder where their child is-psychologically speaking, just as many wonder where grandparents suffering from senility and Alzheimer's are. Wherever their children or parents and grandparents are, many tend to think they aren't as happy as those of us who are present and focused in the "here" and now world. The process of realizing something is wrong is stressful and painful to parents who are experiencing this disconnect with their loved ones. Unfortunately, 1 percent of the population of children in the U.S. ages 3-17 have autism and though that may not seem like a large number, to those families suffering with children diagnosed with the disorder, it must feel like the end of the precious dreams once held so dearly.
The National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke writes that "Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a range of complex neurodevelopment disorders, characterized by social impairments, communication difficulties, and restricted, repetitive, and stereotyped patterns of behavior." A milder form of Autism is known as Asperger syndrome. Several famous people known to have Asperger Syndrome are Bill Gates, chairman of Microsoft, Michael Edward Palin, an English comedian known more commonly for his role in the Monty Python series and Adam Young, an American musician and founder of Owl City. So, for those who have children diagnosed with this lesser form, this knowledge that Bill Gates or Adam Young who have achieved so much must be a sign of relief that their children too, can still live full lives.
The Experience of Autism
Research shows that males are four times more likely to have ASD than females, and 1 out of 88 children will be diagnosed with ADS. According to the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke , "Children with an ASD may fail to respond to their names and often avoid eye contact with other people. They have difficulty interpreting what others are thinking or feeling because they can't understand social cues, such as tone of voice or facial expressions, and don't watch other people's faces for clues about appropriate behavior. They lack empathy."
From Within, Without , is a YouTube video associated with Amy Lansky, author of Active Consciousness , and chronicles a story of a mother trying to find a cure for her son's autism. Like any mother, she initially went to conventional doctors only to be crushed with the disappointment that what was prescribed did nothing to bring her son back from the abyss that was his reality. He had seemed so normal in the beginning, but by the age of two, was diagnosed with autism. The changes in him began to show up slowly, and then there was no mistaking or pretending that he was like every other child. Their precious son didn't give her or her husband eye contact or respond to his own name. One day after endless days of doing frantic research for a cure, the mother read about a doctor in Los Angeles. Dr. Lucas De Schepper was his name and he was a homeopath using homeopathy to treat autism. Dr. Lucas De Schepper is a medical doctor, licensed acupuncturist and homeopath, an author of 15 books, and a respected teacher and lecturer worldwide. Yet this prestigious physician took the time to speak to this mother about her son, her hopes and her anxiety about her son's future. A week later the mother and her mother-in-law were on a plane visiting Dr. Schepper. The doctor prescribed a homeopathic treatment for her son that produced small changes even with after the first administering of the medicine prescribed. Many people reading this may feel suspect, it is too good to be true, many will think. But what we have to ask ourselves when we have this knee-jerk reaction is why is it often easier to believe in bad things happening, but not as easy to believe in the good? That's a topic for another article perhaps.
The story of this mother's journey actually gets better, because her son improved greatly. In fact, he came "back", fully and completely! The film follows their story over the next year and is greatly inspirational as her son, who never spoke a word was then able to articulate his thoughts and feelings. He'd been learning to speak all those months when he was unable to communicate with the outer world. It was only that his ability to communicate was locked within. Why is this mother's story known to only a few? How is it that there is a branch of medical treatment out there that can return the body and mind to its normal equilibrium and it not be common knowledge? Are we a society of complainers? Perhaps we focus less on the cures and more on what ails us? Do we ask and pray for miracles, and then when they show up we chalk it up to a one in a million chance?
Amy Lansky, herself had a child who was diagnosed with autism and she like the mother mentioned previously believed that there had to be a cure. She sought out to find it. "I began searching desperately for a solution. For instance, I began to experiment with food elimination strategies, an approach now viewed as essential within the autism community." Amy, like the mother mentioned above learned about some the astonishing affects of homeopathy which is a medical system developed in the 1800s and is based on "a seemingly incongruous therapeutic principle- that a disease can be cured by a substance that causes the disease's symptoms in healthy people." Amy, like the mother on the YouTube documentary was brave enough to give the road less traveled a try. She was willing to step outside of the norm and believe that just because the medical field did not have a cure did not mean that one didn't exist! Amy and her husband found a homeopath, "...and Max's road to recovery soon began. "Less than a week after beginning the recommended treatment, we began to notice subtle changes in his speech and social cognition... The improvements in Max's condition were slow but steady, and after a few months were quiet apparent." Max was diagnosed with autism in 1994, and by the spring of 1996 his symptoms had subsided enough that Amy and her husband were certain he would grow up and have the life they knew he deserved.
Embracing Hope
Here are two inspirational stories but compared to the children who are never released from their inner prisons, the successful stories are minuscule in comparison. With every disease, in every instance of pain and suffering, there are stories of those who overcame the odds. What makes these mothers different from the thousands who after going to the doctors and being given a prescription that does little, decided that they've come to the end of the road? They had hope, that's what makes them different. And they also didn't view doctor's as all knowing. They had the audacity to question an industry that would have us believe that it's wiser than our heart, which often whispers wisdom that seem unconventional to mainstream beliefs.
New Promise Children and Family Services wants our staff to care enough about our clients that they make them feel as though they matter and that their challenges and issues matter. But how do we do that and what does it look like? Some clients are challenging, some of them are angry and rude. It's true that not every client will appreciate the effort you put out, so it's important that you have a philosophy that you live by whether the other person appreciates it or not.
- Excel even in the face of pettiness
What does this philosophy mean to you? Are you strong enough to even want to excel in the face of pettiness? It takes self confidence and pride not to mirror the next person's anger and insults. But if you can embrace this philosophy it will change you and your relationships with everyone you know. You become a role model and respected when you choose to excel even in the face of pettiness. Here at NPCFS we expect you to do a good job and speak professionally even when our clients are being difficult. We don't expect our staff to allow a client to be disrespectful or take them for granted though. Our staff should feel that it's okay to tell the client when a conversation needs to end so that it can be picked up when the dialogue can be more productive, or to even let the person know that you don't appreciate being yelled at or spoken to in that manner. But you should be calm and in control especially when you need to set limits. And you should be kind and patient when you are relaying difficult messages such as these. Excelling in the face of pettiness simply means you rise above the difficulty by being the solution and not becoming part of the problem.
- Always leave a person or their situation in a better place
What does it mean to leave a person or a situation in a better place? Sometimes is merely means that you leave the client feeling that they were heard and appreciated. And sometimes it means you address the client's needs by letting them know what needs to be done and how and when you will do it. And always, always follow up your deeds by letting the client know that you did what you promised by sending a brief voice, email or text stating that you actually took care of the situation.
When you visit a client's home, always leave with having done something to uplift, relieve or connect with the client. Sometimes the only thing you do when you visit a client is converse with them. Though conversing may seem a bit mundane, it isn't mundane if you use your listening skills and give that person your attention. Everyone wants to be seen and heard and you never know how much it may mean to a client when you give them eye contact and all your attention during the visit. Put away your cell phone, don't answer it if it rings. Give that client your attention and awareness. Share your similarities when the time is right. Let them know that you have faced difficulties like theirs and how you overcame it. Uplift clients by letting them know they're not alone and that there's hope. If you were being serviced by a professional and you were discussing an issue that had to do with connecting with a service that was related to your visit, how would you feel if they asked you for that number and made a call to them right then and there? That would feel phenomenal right? As a professional you know you are usually treated differently than your clients are, and a call from a profession often improves the situation. We at NPCFS want you to do that as often as you can for your clients. You may not always have the time, but you can tell the client you wished you had the time to make the call even if you can't. Just them knowing you cared is important too.
When you live by the philosophy of always leaving people and situations in a better place you empower clients and yourself. You'll see yourself differently when you live by this value. And when you have personal challenges you'll be able to draw on the countless times you helped clients overcome their troubles and it very likely that what you're going through will then seem much less daunting.
- Go the extra mile
When a client calls the office and asks a question of you that you can't answer, instead of transferring them to another individual, if you have the time, get up and walk over to your colleague and ask them for the answer yourself. Though that might take a minute or two, it makes the world of a difference to the client who doesn't have to fear staying on hold or getting that person's voicemail. They get their issue resolved instantly and that makes a difference to clients. Just think about how better you feel when you call a utility company and instead of being transferred, that person puts you on hold and gets the answer for you. That feels good doesn't it? Of course it does, and this is part of what it means to have great customer skills services. Sometimes a client from another agency will call you and ask a question that neither you nor your colleagues can answer. What can you do to help them in this instance? Well, if it's possible google the number they need to get their question answered and pass that along. As an example, if a client doesn't have renter's insurance and doesn't know who to go about getting it, googling an insurance company's customer service number and giving that to them immediately meets their needs. Gestures like this make New Promise Children and Family Services stand out from the crowd.
It takes an organized person to go the extra mile. It also takes a person who has ample energy. Self care is important in any field, but when you are servicing children and families, it's vital that you eat well and do some form of exercise. If you don't find a way to replenish your life and release stress, you won't be able to go the extra mile for clients because you won't even have the energy to go the extra mile for yourself. Successfully living this philosophy means you must also have some kind of health regimen in your own life that keeps you energized and upbeat.
- Have integrity even when it's difficult
People don't always like to hear the truth, but the majority of us appreciate it when we do hear it. It's not always easy to tell clients what we know or think is very likely to be the case, but it's important to speak truth. What happens when we don't level with clients is that if they find out we were less than honest, they'll never trust us again. There usually will be a crucial moment when being trusted is paramount, but if you've shown yourself to be unworthy of trust the client will be unable to believe in you. Without trust relationships have no real foundation and become ineffective.
But the opposite is true as well. When a client knows that you've told them things they don't want to hear in the name of honesty or integrity, when they ask you a question that is deeply important to them, they'll know they can rely on you to be truthful. Once you get a reputation for being clear and honest, you'll find that you're also highly respected. Does this mean that everyone will like you? No, some people don't like to hear the truth, but deep down inside, they will respect you even if on the surface they are a bit standoffish. Living by this philosophy takes strength and the ability to not be shaken by disapproval. In order to live by this philosophy truth has to be more important than the temporary approval you'll receive from the pretense. To have integrity even when it's tough means you have a sense of self-reliance and self respect.
Life has existed for billions of years before the world offered its stage to you. Does this fact move you, motivate you to make this life count, or are you numb to how magnificent it is that now you are here? The fact of the matter is this- are you grateful, from the core of your heart, are you grateful to now be here- alive and able to create experiences that affect you and the world? Most of us are numb to the great reality of how long it has taken life to draw back the curtains and allow them the opportunity to live large, to make this moment substantial and to not sweat the small stuff because, well, why would you? This is after all, your debut.
Those of us who don't challenge ourselves do so for many reasons. We've been
weighed down by the pain of an abusive upbringing. Some of us feel held
back by a society we feel does not favor
“our kind”. And then there are those of us who are simply afraid, afraid to
feel, afraid to dream big and afraid to step outside of the box that
surrounds us. Life has made us bitter and condensed like a bucket of cream cheese. But here are some truths if you are
looking to be set free. If you feel pain, welcome to the
club. We, all of us have the same experiences, nuanced only by our
individual perspectives. But no one escapes life without pain, and everyone’s
pain, is to them, unique and exceptional. Yet the reality is that pain
is not exceptional, it is the norm, so let go of
dramatizing it.
And what about being held back? In every era there was a ethnic group that was the top dog, the supreme race, the ones who built the biggest structures, the greatest art, the most impressive science. There was a time when your race was thebig kahuna, and if your race isn't enjoying that privilege now, get over it. The bottom line is that no matter how prestigious "your people" are currently, life still favors the brave. And you can be brave, right? So, shake off the shackles and the barriers you believe have you captive and get into your warrior gear. But wait a moment, there's something really important you should know. -"Fear is that state of mind
that haunts us with a commentary of doom". Fear is our opponent, look
at fear in this way, like it's an opponent. And when fear enters the awareness, decimate it
with courage by telling it to “give us its
best shot”. And then - after a few times of doing this, watch how that state of mind flees. It is
bizarre, but fear will run when we open our arms and say, “come with
it…I’m ready for you.” And why is that?
It is because we aren't our thoughts, so we are their boss, and so firstly, we don't have to believe them. And secondly, when we challenge a thought we're withholding its food. Thoughts need us to live, they need us to believe in them. And like egotistic film stars, without our attention like a kid they'll jump up and down and have a tantrum. Ignore a thought/belief long enough and it goes away. Starve a thought/belief long enough and it dies. There's no way around this, it's a fact that thoughts need us to survive. It's only that we never knew this. Somehow we thought we were at their mercy. WRONG!
This is our life. It is the only life that we'll ever have. Even
if we believe in reincarnation, this us, this us will never be us again! Ever. So
try to find a way to comprehend that life
has come and gone for eons without us, and now that we’re here we’ll
be damned if we let it go by unnoticed. We can't allow life to persuade us to go blindly into the night. If we don’t attempt to
transcend our part in the play, if we don't attempt to think bigger than our lives, bigger than our roles, our lives will not just stay put, they'll shrink and wilt like a plant without water. And we'll despise ourselves for it. We'll despise ourself because somewhere inside
all of us, we know we are a gift to life just as much as life is a gift
to us. Yet if we miss the significance of both these ideas, we die
inside, and this inner death erodes excitement, joy, self-respect and
self-love.
The entire purpose of our life is to do three things: Find you, Love you, and then share that love with the world. Leave any part of this equation out, and we won't have the necessary ingredients to live a spectacular life and though our heart beats- our soul will feel dead.
